I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
