wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
