So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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