does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
