Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
