and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
