And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
