I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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