Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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