oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
Nothing says āI spent too much in Vegasā quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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