Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sarcasm needs its own font
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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