just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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