i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
