i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
