you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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