I'm really into asian looking animals
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
