I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm at about main and main street
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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