i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
