Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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