nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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