The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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