Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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