he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
