I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
