i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
