Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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