I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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