did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
