turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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