No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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