"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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