Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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