Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
