Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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