um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
