either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
