So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
