It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
