Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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