I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
