He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
