Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
