there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
