Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
