Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
