Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
