I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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