She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
