I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
