Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
