Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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