my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
