They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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