Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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