Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
