It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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