Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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