Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
