Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why do cheetos always look like penises
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
