i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
