My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.