No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
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Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"