When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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