umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
