What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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