so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Everclear isn't food dammit
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
