protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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