operation harelip BJ is a go
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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